~Forever a High-School Boy in Love~

i'm talking to you...

they're my Friends, not my Gods, nor my Toys.
what i like about The Face Men Thailand is
it's a group of semi-famous guys, not celebrities,
so it's full of spontaneous naturalness. so humanism.

but now they become more famous.
i'm a bit sad to think things might change.

i really have some problems with fangirling system :(
it comes with heterosexaul gender role concept,
in asian aspect (thai & japanese girls are similar)
i could breathe easier in western fandoms.
(though The Strokes few of them are not much different.)

so uncomfortable...

fanclubing is important to my struggling to live this life.
(so i have this blog to write all about fanclubing)
but i'm not happy with that concept of 'stars vs fans'

sometimes stars look too big and untouchable.
it makes me feel low about myself, i don't like it.

but sometimes fans are so aggressive being fans,
treating their idols like airdolls or virtual husbands.
i'm disgusted. i don't like it either.

i understand fantasizing is important to us human.
they're either my ideal lovers or ideal selfs too.
but i mentally communicate with them as friends.
though i feel envious of their lives sometimes,
or many times, but we're on the same level.
it feels nice thinking of them as fellow human beings.

they're my imaginery friends. but they are real too.
i feel thankful and respectful in the same way that
i feel about other people i've met all my life.

1st time in my life in Thai fandom!!!
i never thought i could have lost in Thai fandom!

it's always british, hollywood, japanese...
recently latino which i've never expected before.
but Thai fandom is beyond every level of expectation
because i always feel alienation in my country,
culturally, politically, and everything else,
feel so tough living here, all the time, all my life.

i watched The Face Thailand from season 1.
i like something, i hate something.

now it's the 1st season of The Face Men,
also Artemis Elite which a very awesome idea.
i'm completely addicted, unprepared.
reminding me that i was meant to be in bro gang.
women are scary for me in some way.

(i know some guys/girls are opposite,
feeling uncomfortable being in male world.)


PK is my fav. unbelievable this character i always like
could exist in Thai version, though he's not so thai.

but i love to observe everyone, including forgotten ones.

at first glance Attila is not my type, but he is, personality-like.

and Third is a good role model, a good hope...
to reshape the concept of gender diversity in Thailand.

Gun & Gunn confirmed me that
such pureness could exist so near.

Kun is not my fav but the only one i left an IG comment,
it's unfair he had to change when he did no wrong.

etc... there're more but i'll stop here.


the show's fan royalty is quite scary.
please don't turn it into completely for-girl show.
for-girl marketing killed me many times before.

keep it natural and neutual. keep it unisex.
women will buy it no matter what.
i believe there're quite some male fans hiding around.
and male viewers are more sensitive than female.

so please take good care of us. hahaha.

HSJ is still alive in my heart, & more mature
quite incredible that i, an extremely introverted person ever,
have a new fav band, DNCE, an extremely extroverted people ever.
i've learned something new about in/ex & the chemistry between two.
anyway, music has no boundaries, i just love their sound, purely.


once again, HSJ's concert (Dear) reminds me what i love about them.
for a (long) while, i feel bored of Johnny's. but it's not the boys' fault.
what bored me is their system that they can't control.
maybe many talents (songwriters, producers, etc.) have left the office.
and too-tight schedule never be good for their creativeness.

HSJ's latest PVs and singles are boring. because of the presentation?
their regular shows sometimes good, sometimes average.
(also no more good Jr shows anymore. just that boring Shonen Club.)

i think JUMP always create their concert themselves?
they never disappointed me with their strong concepts.
and the continuity's smoothness, and the group's balance.
the level is so high. maybe i can use the word 'genius'.

i like that new corner Koredake in Itadaki High JUMP.
please produce more physological show about personality like this.

everyone looks more mature in some way, especially Yabu-kun.
he's calmer & not trying too hard anymore. this stableness is sexy.
he's my fav for many reasons, & i'm a big fan of HSB's 'S' song.

i hope Inoo is okay with life...


1guilty Dpleasure
i just said in the last entry that 1D's songs are so bad...
*jump cut* listening to load of them everyday. lol

the 1st album is still so hurtful for my ears.
mainly because of the autotune. rubbish plastic sound.
actually my root is rock music anyway so...
the big powerful vocals are not that necessity for me.
and the singing definitely be improved by experiences.
also silly lyrics are not such big problem.
it's funny because it's silly, representing the youthfulness.
but the music should be cool.
so please someone rearrange it. lol
or maybe just make them all unplugged.

i'm not the type who appreciate the technical skills.
i'm more like an emotion/feeling type of person.
always be fascinated by the stories and character analysis.
study someone for awhile, you'll see their pureness.
now in my eyes they're no longer blurred and unreal bright image.
remove all the marketing filters...
they're wonderfully ordinary human beings doing their jobs.

so though i'm not their target group at all, it's not a problem.
loving them is a guilty pleasure, kind of a secret obsession.
because i feel embarrassed when being misunderstood,
because my self-concept is important.
but i know if i'm mature enough, i won't care.

and i can't stand girls' screaming voiceeeeeee.
omg it's the real warzone warzone warzone warzone...
i understand them but it just hurts and scares me, can't help.

to be honest, some 1D's songs are quite awesome.
my current favorite is No Control and Clouds.
No Control is so The Kooks-ish, that's my favorite band.
yes that Luke who once talked bad about 1D.
please forgive his drunkenness. lol

and Zayn's Mind of Mine is the winner.
Zayn never got out of my car since i bought this album.
Little Zaynie never stopped Takin It Off in my car. lol

still can't choose between Lou and Liam. /life is so f-ing hard.
Harry and Zayn are the angels. /bless them.
Niall is a little child of this family. /or a pet? lol

i hope they're fine with their lives and all.

the Maliks are the meerkats. silly baby.
lou is the cute & cool gangster. don't mess with him. <3
long hair. flipping. sun shining.
leeyum should not prefer mature women with horrible makeup like that. i'm so sad.
leeyum is so kind & funny :) please be gay.

ok. sorry. bye.

so longgggggg no update.
i don't know why the idea of collecting myself makes me tired.

now i'm wandering around in latino land.
should i learn spanish? haha, i mean, jajaja.

i spent that very last night of 2016 at home, like a loser,
rewatching Y Tu Mama Tambien.
coincidentally that climax scene happend at 0.00 pm.
i heard the fireworks popping, while those two kissing.
so 2017 will be my best year, no?

it's the movie i saw many years ago at my university.
i was so young back then, i didn't understand much,
but it impacted me emotionally in some way.

now it's so much easier to understand because i'm more matured.
and undoubtedly, it became one of my most favorite movie.

and i rewatched Bad Education,
another which i didn't understand when i was a kid.
but now, wow... this movie is brilliant.

this is weird, i love observing cultures,
but i never thought i feel so close to Mexico as now.
i didn't come back to this land because of Rouge One, no
Rouge One is kind of disappointing, though i'm a Star Wars fan.
i was thinking about Diego before Rouge One.
i don't know why he popped up in my mind.

now i'm so glad that i've just known him better than before.

what a beautiful angel.


i didn't write here when i was digging around One Direction.
unbelievable, i used to tell a pal "no, this's not the kind of band i like"
they have so many unbearably bad songs, but few are ok.
and seeing them working their job, i saw some humanly pureness.

and Harry and Zayn are so pretty. haha. i'm a loser.

my old buddy reappears in front of me in drag
still listen to Strokes songs everyday, for a month now i guess.
the surprise is... the most frequently played is Comedown Machine.
i think this is what happened...

Is This It made me fall in love with a new best friend.
he became a part of my teenage days.

Room On Fire reassured me how much i love my favorite boy.

1st Impression... i felt quite close with him, like we're a family.

Angles... i said "you've changed."
he said "you just don't know me."
we hurt each other and went our seperate ways.

Comedown what? i don't know...
suddenly my old buddy reappears in front of me in drag.
of course it's shocking at first.
but it turns out that he's very beautiful so...

the girly things are still not my things but this one is special.
i can't stop listening to Comedown Machine,
though some songs sound a bit like TaySwift.
even though the sound is changed,
but the strong emotions in the songs are the same like their old songs.
i can say that... their music is always soulful and alive.

i listened to Culture Void, and i understand Julian a bit more.
he himself is always an exotic charming creature,
and he want his music to be exotic too, i guess.

and today... when scrolling down Facebook,
i read about some tragic things in the not-so-long-ago history.
about what happened in our parents years in my country.
and i know the rest of the world also had this kind of stories.
the kind of stories that we want to forget, but also afraid to forget.

and there's another story about texting with someone who's passed away,
with the technology that can create a realness but also a lie.

i almost cry thinking about these hurtful things.
thinking about the Limbo in the movie Inception.
then Julian's song Human Sadness pops up in my head.

many years have passed, i think i've grown up a bit.
but still scared of life, sometimes less, sometimes more.

ps. i participated that CRX photo thing, but i didn't win the album.
now i'm a crying loser, boo hoooo ;_;

my life
i love myself too much,
so i can't bear being invisible in silence.

but i'm also embarrassed of being myself,
so i wish i could be invisible in silence.

i talk because i love myself.
but then i hate everything i spoke out.

this contradiction is driving me insane for years.

to put it simply, i just want to be happy.
to love myself, to love people, and to be loved.

i wish my life could be all smooth,
as a reward for my modesty/humbleness.
but it's impossible for any life to be smooth.

why won't you come over here? we've got a city to love
i love The Strokes for such a long time.
they are my precious childhood memories.
bringing back my school days, where i met my best friend.
i always thought (& still think) their sounds are perfect.
guitars, singing, bass and drums, all at its best.
but around the 4th album, i felt disappointed.

now many years have passed,
take a look at my old (imaginary) friends again.
the love comes back like it's never gone.
loving them from innocent childish perspective was cool.
but loving them from these days' is more than cool.
deeper, more romantic, more humanist than i ever felt.

despite that i still can't fully love their 4th album,
i love them even more. as humans, & as a band.
they're always the best band in the world at some point.

looking back to the good old days is so sad.

i can listen to their songs again & again this week.
so awesome... like... super awesome.
too awesome, i'm jealous.
like when we're jealous of God's awesomeness.

my healing, my big stranger
Matsuda Shota-kun is my no.1

the way he smile tells me...

i am a Stepper now!
how late! i found you so late.
i'm a new fan of All City Steppers.
great band, great sound.
daisuki desu! <3

i listened to every ACS song i could find.
listen & listen again.
their live version are very good.
reminds me of myspace days.
reminds me of The Kooks.
so nostalgic.

their raw live are much better, much rocker.
the studio ones are too light, too pop.
like... for-kids-edition?


Radio Foundation is also great.
there's only a few rare clips left for me.
what a life...
what a sad life...


yabai! yabai!...

i saw Ryuichi-kun since we were very young.
there were few times i was told we look alike.
but most of the time, he were a stranger.

i'm just getting to know him.
i like him more & more.
i like his personality.

i'm a fan of all his solo.
i'm so glad he did the Kooks cover.
he should cover Junk of the Heart.
oh please...

i love Fade Away too.
how sad that i'm so late...

Ryu-kun loves nature & very sporty.
but i'm an indoor type.
like when i saw Shota-kun crazying over skiing,
i have this complicated feeling...

i appreciate quiet laziness.
i'm a natural-born loser.
but sometimes i feel sad that i am so weak.

if i were strong, will i love myself more?
will my life be more meaningful?
maybe yes. or maybe no.

though i have a secret special feeling...
when i saw those fangirling hype,
i feel sorry for Ryuki-kun & Leo-kun.
i think it's kind of rude to ignore someone.
their bass & singing voice are awesome.

The John's Guerrilla is also cool.
i like Don't Get Down Bitch so much!

i hope someday i could see they play live.
it's the dream that is so hard to happen.
if they come to thailand, i'll definitely buy the ticket.
or if i can go to japan... i wish i could...

money money money...
i need you to save my life.


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