~Forever a High-School Boy in Love~

i'm talking to you...

[sticky post]...

so longgggggg no update.
i don't know why the idea of collecting myself makes me tired.

now i'm wandering around in latino land.
should i learn spanish? haha, i mean, jajaja.

i spent that very last night of 2016 at home, like a loser,
rewatching Y Tu Mama Tambien.
coincidentally that climax scene happend at 0.00 pm.
i heard the fireworks popping, while those two kissing.
so 2017 will be my best year, no?

it's the movie i saw many years ago at my university.
i was so young back then, i didn't understand much,
but it impacted me emotionally in some way.

now it's so much easier to understand because i'm more matured.
and undoubtedly, it became one of my most favorite movie.

and i rewatched Bad Education,
another which i didn't understand when i was a kid.
but now, wow... this movie is brilliant.

this is weird, i love observing cultures,
but i never thought i feel so close to Mexico as now.
i didn't come back to this land because of Rouge One, no
Rouge One is kind of disappointing, though i'm a Star Wars fan.
i was thinking about Diego before Rouge One.
i don't know why he popped up in my mind.

now i'm so glad that i've just known him better than before.

what a beautiful angel.


i didn't write here when i was digging around One Direction.
unbelievable, i used to tell a pal "no, this's not the kind of band i like"
they have so many unbearably bad songs, but few are ok.
and seeing them working their job, i saw some humanly pureness.

and Harry and Zayn are so pretty. haha. i'm a loser.

my old buddy reappears in front of me in drag
still listen to Strokes songs everyday, for a month now i guess.
the surprise is... the most frequently played is Comedown Machine.
i think this is what happened...

Is This It made me fall in love with a new best friend.
he became a part of my teenage days.

Room On Fire reassured me how much i love my favorite boy.

1st Impression... i felt quite close with him, like we're a family.

Angles... i said "you've changed."
he said "you just don't know me."
we hurt each other and went our seperate ways.

Comedown what? i don't know...
suddenly my old buddy reappears in front of me in drag.
of course it's shocking at first.
but it turns out that he's very beautiful so...

the girly things are still not my things but this one is special.
i can't stop listening to Comedown Machine,
though some songs sound a bit like TaySwift.
even though the sound is changed,
but the strong emotions in the songs are the same like their old songs.
i can say that... their music is always soulful and alive.

i listened to Culture Void, and i understand Julian a bit more.
he himself is always an exotic charming creature,
and he want his music to be exotic too, i guess.

and today... when scrolling down Facebook,
i read about some tragic things in the not-so-long-ago history.
about what happened in our parents years in my country.
and i know the rest of the world also had this kind of stories.
the kind of stories that we want to forget, but also afraid to forget.

and there's another story about texting with someone who's passed away,
with the technology that can create a realness but also a lie.

i almost cry thinking about these hurtful things.
thinking about the Limbo in the movie Inception.
then Julian's song Human Sadness pops up in my head.

many years have passed, i think i've grown up a bit.
but still scared of life, sometimes less, sometimes more.

ps. i participated that CRX photo thing, but i didn't win the album.
now i'm a crying loser, boo hoooo ;_;

my life
i love myself too much,
so i can't bear being invisible in silence.

but i'm also embarrassed of being myself,
so i wish i could be invisible in silence.

i talk because i love myself.
but then i hate everything i spoke out.

this contradiction is driving me insane for years.

to put it simply, i just want to be happy.
to love myself, to love people, and to be loved.

i wish my life could be all smooth,
as a reward for my modesty/humbleness.
but it's impossible for any life to be smooth.

why won't you come over here? we've got a city to love
i love The Strokes for such a long time.
they are my precious childhood memories.
bringing back my school days, where i met my best friend.
i always thought (& still think) their sounds are perfect.
guitars, singing, bass and drums, all at its best.
but around the 4th album, i felt disappointed.

now many years have passed,
take a look at my old (imaginary) friends again.
the love comes back like it's never gone.
loving them from innocent childish perspective was cool.
but loving them from these days' is more than cool.
deeper, more romantic, more humanist than i ever felt.

despite that i still can't fully love their 4th album,
i love them even more. as humans, & as a band.
they're always the best band in the world at some point.

looking back to the good old days is so sad.

i can listen to their songs again & again this week.
so awesome... like... super awesome.
too awesome, i'm jealous.
like when we're jealous of God's awesomeness.

my healing, my big stranger
Matsuda Shota-kun is my no.1

the way he smile tells me...

i am a Stepper now!
how late! i found you so late.
i'm a new fan of All City Steppers.
great band, great sound.
daisuki desu! <3

i listened to every ACS song i could find.
listen & listen again.
their live version are very good.
reminds me of myspace days.
reminds me of The Kooks.
so nostalgic.

their raw live are much better, much rocker.
the studio ones are too light, too pop.
like... for-kids-edition?


Radio Foundation is also great.
there's only a few rare clips left for me.
what a life...
what a sad life...


yabai! yabai!...

i saw Ryuichi-kun since we were very young.
there were few times i was told we look alike.
but most of the time, he were a stranger.

i'm just getting to know him.
i like him more & more.
i like his personality.

i'm a fan of all his solo.
i'm so glad he did the Kooks cover.
he should cover Junk of the Heart.
oh please...

i love Fade Away too.
how sad that i'm so late...

Ryu-kun loves nature & very sporty.
but i'm an indoor type.
like when i saw Shota-kun crazying over skiing,
i have this complicated feeling...

i appreciate quiet laziness.
i'm a natural-born loser.
but sometimes i feel sad that i am so weak.

if i were strong, will i love myself more?
will my life be more meaningful?
maybe yes. or maybe no.

though i have a secret special feeling...
when i saw those fangirling hype,
i feel sorry for Ryuki-kun & Leo-kun.
i think it's kind of rude to ignore someone.
their bass & singing voice are awesome.

The John's Guerrilla is also cool.
i like Don't Get Down Bitch so much!

i hope someday i could see they play live.
it's the dream that is so hard to happen.
if they come to thailand, i'll definitely buy the ticket.
or if i can go to japan... i wish i could...

money money money...
i need you to save my life.

rewatching Liar Game
i hate the editing & sound. & some casts did very poor acting.
but i love the story. so genius, so heartly, so warm.

i like Akiyama-kun so much. real gentleness, painful evilness.
i can't think of anyone else better than Shota-kun for this role.
the first time i watched, many years ago, maybe i was too young.
i thought he tried too hard to be handsome, but i think i was wrong.
he really did great job, with so much details he put in this role.

Shota-kun looks more physically attractive in season 2.
but i prefer season 1, before all the fan-service things.
everything in the two main characters seems naturally perfect.

i'm not a fan of Toda-san, but i think she did well.
Nao is not just a boring heroin, she's the Jesus.
now i'm so interested in the brain & heart of Kaitani Shinobu-Sensei.

Shota-kun is really a good actor. i clearly see his efforts.

i love him both as an actor, & as a skiier & sledder no... i mean as a person.
i think he addicted to insta because he love to communicate.
i really wish i could be his friend, so i could tell him that...

i found this video of him on Youtube...

& i saw this sticker set of him in LINE Store...

maybe i'll buy this sticker?

change tone...

being a fan is bitter-sweet for me
sometimes it's just simply fun.
but sometimes it reminds me how much i hate myself.
and sometimes it reminds me how much i love myself.

because it's the process of beautifully filling my world.
the only world i love to communicate with.
it reminds me that i want my life to be precious like yours.

i'm a dreamer but not that much.
i'm a realist dreamer, so it's contradicted.
i'm both childlike & mature, so it's contradicted.
i hate to be a loser, but i also hate to be a winner.
it's contradicted...

to put it more positively, i just want to be your friend.
romantically or not, i'd love it both way.
i think i'm cool enough to love you as a normal human.
not just a blurred vision of my ideal.
but it's also scary...

this is not so heavy. life is just like that.
i'll just go on & on this way.

thank you for being the colours of my world.

Otsukaresama, Kota Sezaki-Sensei!
i'm rewatching this serie. Clinic on the Sea.
i really love Shota-kun's unique jokes.
cute haircut, good acting, so charming.
& the personality gap of Kota-sensei is good!

i don't like ikemen. but Shota-kun is super special.
how can an ikemen be this manly? howwww?...
i wish i could have an onii-chan like this! (just that? hmmmmm?)
i want to... fight with him... i don't know why. hahaha

i don't like something in the stories,
but because it's Shota-kun, only him can save it.

well, Fukushi Sota is kinda cute. he looks a bit like Taguchi Junnosuke.
and it's super rare for me to think a woman is cute. Emi-chan is cute.

and i just watch Initiation Love... and WOW...
it's stunning. Amazing movie. Shota-kun did a very great job.
Acchan is a rare case too, just like Emi-chan.


change topic...

i think it's a good news that "that woman" resigned from Johnny's Jimusho.


i can't stand when they sell something like "member A edition" "member B edition"
but... when i found "Kikuchi Fuma Edition", i was super happy!

it's like after a long gone, finally he's coming back home...

i also enjoy his backdancing gang... full of boyish feeling.

Goodluck, Junno & KAT-TUN, Ganbatte
it's quite a shock news.

i miss Junno in his younger days. he was so cute.
his character has getting boring later. (i don't blame him though.)
i don't know but he seems kind of unhappy when grown up.

i love his original personality; silly, cheerful, unlucky & healing.
he had that innocent look, while hiding girly sexiness deep inside.
he kept the bitchy self tightly like it's top spy's top secret.
a little devil in disguise, wearing an angel's costume.
that's why he is incredibly 'cute like a pet, but hot like fire'.
it's his powerful charm. i wish he could be like that forever.

i love the chemistry of Junno & Kame.
isn't the 'Special Happiness' time way too short?
i wish i could appreciate it more.

so many things happen...

i wish Kame-kun, Ueda-kun, & Maru-kun feel alright.
& continue to bravely fight everything they have to.
their journey became my power to fight on my own journey.
thank you all 6 KAT-TUN for everything.

ps. i have this inside joke for years...
i fondly calls Kame-san my 'Chinese Oldest Onii-chan'.
it's still like that all the time. really all the time.


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